Money, Fame and Fortune could never compete

So it's on the eve of thanksgiving. I know, I know. Just another holiday that involves way too much food (blasphemy!), too much family and too much liquor. Okay, x-nay on the last bit. The only time you can drink too much is when you're thinking about it the morning after. Really, I understand. I wrote an entire essay on "How to Survive Thanksgiving Dinner with Family". (I kid you not.)

Anyway. If your family is like mine, some obnoxious soul will stand up and clank on his glass (so cliche) and demand you take a second to think about what you're thankful for. If your company resembles anything like the Kids Table (To which I have been long since banished to, being one of the youngest three or four in my family) you (and company) will roll your eyes, fall silent, staring gluttenously at the food placed in front of you that you really want to eat, but are not yet permitted to. It's kind of like having a sugar cube in front of your horse, but popping them in the nose every time they go for it.
So the point is, you probably may give a passing thought to things you're 'thankful' for, but you probably give the half-assed answers that everyone has. Family. Health. Friends. That you still have a job/home. If you're reading this you are probably one of the few people who follow this, to which I'll invite you to take a moment to really think. What are you thankful for? What in the past year has happened that has enlightened you, taught you and pushed you to grow?

I'll let you know what I'm thankful for.
I'm thankful to be in a barn where I have a fabulous instructor on hand who is accessible to help me whenever and if ever I need it. If she's not there, there's other people who are always so willing to give me a hand.
I am thankful that I'm at a barn where I can take it 'at my own pace'. It isn't about making the cut, the ribbon or the grade. I am not expected to be able to do certain things that may be within my capacity, but am not quite prepared for them yet.
I am so very, incredibly greatful for my overall wellness. This year has been up and down-I fell off on a rear that, had it gone differently, might have ended with a horse on top of me. My back relapsed and for a while there it looked really bad with the prognosis. However, PT and time has improved that. I can still ride, and I can get on a horse without being in pain.
More than that, I am thankful that I have been blessed to be around horses. So many people never have the opportunity to interact with them, wish they could but don't have the means or the opportunity. Not only can I, but I have been gifted with the ability to call one of these incredible creatures my own. I've been taught to value not only patience, but have been given lessons every single time I'm out there on compassion, understanding, tolerance, keeping my temper and how much the simple things really do matter.

So this thanksgiving, I am thankful for so many things-but more than anything, I am thankful for all of the things that I have learned this past year. That I can do what I set my mind to, that there are people behind me-no matter what my decisions are. The only person keeping me from doing what I'd like, is me. And that it's not all about what other people think-it's about seeing where you've come from, and realizing where you stand now.

(Feel free to post what you feel thankful for, what your horses have taught you or revelations you've had in the past year!)

Anyway, sappy mentality aside, the horse was good for our lesson today. I had last week off (lesson wise) as Diane was sick. It was a nice break, but I definitely feel it now! The horse was very, very good.
Perhaps the oddest thing about my riding experience to date (the past week or so) is that I have been having to use my leg. I know, it's a normal, average little thing. Leg to sustain a gait? Open it up? Yeah, typical. For so long to transition up with Eagle I just had to give him an opening to go. If I wanted a 'bigger' gait I just had to open up a little bit (ease up on contact, seat saying "Whoa") and we were there.

However, as I said, this new experience has been showing up since about a week ago. Diane and I have really been working on getting him to support himself, particularly at the canter. With the aid of ~10/12m canter circles he's having to carry himself-I'm not hauling his face and neck around anymore! We're almost at the point where touching his face at the canter is a no-no. He's so responsive to turning off the leg that I can effectively drop his face and say "Take care of yourself, sucker".
With the help of circles (Randomly thrown in at the canter-anywhere and everywhere) he's actually really reaching under with his inside hind. I guess his canter before was so likely to get quick because for much of the time, I was holding onto his face to hold up his head and neck and shoulders. Hanging onto him that way, he never could really use himself fully to balance himself. Now that he's balanced, he doesn't need to go fasterandfasterandfaster to avoid falling on his face.

It's the catch-22. When a horse goes fast, you want to take their face and say "Whoa". On the other hand, the more you try to get their face the more quick they're likely to go because they can't use themselves correctly to regain their balance. That is still my biggest problem with Eagle behind fences. When he gets quick I want to start 'water skiing'. My leg comes infront of me and I lean back, holding on his face. I don't keep 'dancing' with him.

So with Eagle finding his balance, I'm actually having to ride with more leg that I'm really used to. It's slightly surreal when I have to leg him up at the canter to get him to open up. (Sanity? DO I FEEL IT COMING ON?) A slightly surreal moment, to say in the least. Today we had some beautiful flat work, though there were no particularly 'eureka' exercises or moments. It was just solid and consistent, which has been a first.

Also a first today was cantering fences. I do not canter fences. If they're in a line, I'll do so but for the most part Eagle will get so excited and 'whee!' that we focus on trying to solidify him (and me) trotting to the base of a fence and then bring him back right after. He was good enough today that we ended up cantering to fences, and cantering related distances.
Started out really nice, but a fudge with arena traffic really wound him up. I also have discovered I am not at all forceful on a 'whoa' on the backside of a fence. I'm so aware of touching his face (I used to be horrible about catching him in the face) that I do not want to be firm about it.

I forsee a new exercise. Canter, trot. Canter, trot. Repeat. Incessantly. He does have a very nice transition, but most of the time it's once we've cantered for a bit and have it settled in. The backside of a fence is not so 'settled in', which means he's much more interested in "More? We'll do more. Thanks." We started out on a figure eight-trot to canter out, trot, and then trot to the second fence. Once we had done that a few times, trot in, canter out-if you're on the right lead, continue on to the other fence. He'd consistently land on the left lead, but did not want to land on the right lead. So we kept having to "Whoa" and then pick it up. Blech.
Not so fun.

All in all, it was not a particularly stellar lesson-things kept interrupting us, between another person jumping the fences that I was starting to work over on a green horse (I ended up walking the horse for about 15 minutes-dropped the reins and worked on steering with legs) and then the arena traffic got the horse jazzed up. However, I do not dare say that it was a bad lesson! We've come so far. Even a month ago I would have called someone crazy if they said consistently cantering to fences would be possible. We're not quite on the level to really do a solid course, but we're getting there.
Isn't that the story of life, though? We're always getting somewhere!

Happy thanksgiving, everyone.

"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out."
-Robert Collier

made mistakes, but we found our heart

Well it's been a good long time (again) since I've uploaded. In August I was already talking about improvement and whatnot. Since then, we've only gone farther. There was a CT show (second place, beginner novice) up at Fields and Fences. he was amazing. We've gone through bits (my mother is riding him in a pelham-featured here for photo opportunities. I know, I know. So lame-putting it on him because it's pretty..) and for the most part I'm riding him in a happy mouth mullenmouth. (From the slow twist D.) As it gets colder we may have to put him back in the slow twist just to keep things settled down. He's still very strong jumping in the mullenmouth, though he flats wonderfully in it.
Lots has been going on beyond that little 'floof' update. In September, he was breaking out in hives from bugs (Sad) and had runny eyes, we suspect from reactions to it. So he got a fly mask and an antihistime which did the job. As christmas gets closer, I'm looking at getting a new saddle. (A CWD has my attention right now.. I can dream!) Really, Eagle has just been maturing so well in the past few months. Inevitably we'll have our two steps back from time to time, but the fact is that now we can canter down the long wall of an arena without our canter falling to pieces. That's a huge step. For the longest time, I relied on circles and couldn't go more than 10 meters or so on a straight line.

Lines are, as always, our biggest issue-he sees the space (cantering down the long wall or jumping a line) and decides that he just wants to go. It's hard because I need repetition so I can learn to see distances, but the more we repeat things the more aggressive Eagle gets. It's a catch-22, but we're slowly getting there. (Cantering a fence on a circle is good Stuff, and switching directions over a vertical on an angle is another good way to keep him paying attention to me.)

That's a picture from Fields and Fences directly after our dressage test. We were going straight into our jump warmup. It was quite an experience, truth be told. He was going so well that day, though, it was astounding. You can find a video of our Stadium round loaded on SilhouetteMind's account on youtube (titled "Stadium"). Also there are videos I've finally loaded from various points in time.
"Eagle Montage" is a video that was originally intended to show a high school class ("companion animal" project-a friend asked me to go in and speak) however the footage was from about a week after the Fields&Fences show and it just ended up looking nice enough that I wouldn't mind showing the world.
"At the beginning" features video clips of me riding Eagle from March, 2008-I had him about a month and a half at that point. Hopefully, you can see the improvement!
"October schooling" is from the same night as the top picture in this update. A little bit of flat work, a little bit of jumping.

More than anything, it has struck me recently how absurd I can be. I have been told by a friend that I have an absurd notion of what correct riding is. I've been trying to downgrade bits (From a slow twist to a mullenmouth, though I'd settle with a french link) in the quest to have a horse that can do just about anything (and everything!) in a mild bit. Flatting Eagle in anything more than those two bits is percieved as 'cheating'. Having to jump in the slow twist is a percieved failure. It's interesting to think about, and I think, in large part, this determination to do the best I can with as few 'outside aids' as I am able to achieve, has really helped our growth.
Time shouldn't be a reflection upon success. There are some horses that may take years to amount to anything to anyone other than the few people involved in their growth. While Eagle is 'pretty', and certainly talented, it has taken a very, very long time to get to this place where I can actually say that I am proud of where we're at.

It has been a very, very long road and there are still challenges. It won't be easy, but then again, it never has. In reflection, I suspect that Eagle was a poor choice of a horse for me to buy at that point in my life. I had never really dealt with a 'hot' horse. Green horses and off the track horses and polo ponies have 'go', but none of them really have the mind that I've encountered with mine. Repetition is supposed to calm a horse down, not wind them up. He was 'too much'. Too much heart, too much mind, too much talent. I took him to a place that wasn't really able to utelize his mind to everyone's mutual benefit and because of it, he soured.
It's taken a half a year to get my horse to the place where he can canter down a long wall without having to hold onto his face and whittle his canter away.

As horse people, we are responsible not only for our own safety and an awareness of the situation around us (other riders, horses, circumstances that may create problems for anyone involved), but we are also charged with the responsibility to do the best thing for our horses. This may mean confronting a farrier who is late on trims, or a vet who is lax on hygenic standards, or initially unwilling to help us do the best thing for our horse. It also may mean taking our horses away from trainers we want to trust, are even programmed to trust. Owning horses will put you out of your comfort zone, but if you aren't willing to do so, then you shouldn't have a horse. It's on me, what happened to Eagle last year.

However, as much as Eagle's condition-jazzed up and stressed out-coming out of school is on me, I'm also a huge part of where he's come to. We've grown up, and grown together. With the help of a trainer who is familiar with both of us, Eagle and I have really shaped up.

Other developments.. He's always been a bit on the slender side. He's a thoroughbred, 'fat' isn't really in his vocabulary. However, he's on 2 scoops 2x a day of grain (approx. 8 lbs-half 12% protein, pelleted content and then the other half is sweetfeed) and then 12 flakes of hay. On top of that, he gets beet pulp. The BP is a new addition to his diet and finally has made a noticable difference! No more ribs! He's also on a supplement with biotin & omega bran fatty acids.
Beyond his weight, after about three months of consistently working correctly-reaching under from behind and lifting his back and shoulders up-he's getting muscled in the correct places. The most noticable improvement has occurred through his neck and right around his withers-his back just feels so much broader.

While Eagle has always been a charismatic presence, he seems to have grown-he's just 'big' to be around. It's humbling to work with him, and there are moments when I am struck with the realization that, while getting him was without a doubt, an incredibly stupid thing to do, I am also extremely lucky. I have a horse with mind and heart that, when you ask him right, will do just about anything.

On a less dramatic note, something that's struck a chord with me during my lessons has really helped me improve my riding. My instruction is fond of saying "Don't stop dancing with him!" when things start getting tight. As I've mentioned before, Eagle has a habit of opening up in the air over fences. There isn't much I can do about that other than stay calm and let him find his own feet and his own balance, but the hardest part for me is that on the back side of fences I want to 'water skii'. My leg comes forward, I open up my hip angle and I lock in my back and shoulders. In effect, I 'stop dancing'.
However, when I stay relaxed and just breathe through it and let him do what he's going to do, but stay there to pick up the pieces after, the effects are dramatic. When I lock up, I stop the conversation. With any horse, riding should be a constant conversation-even if it's just keeping them between your legs or saying "not quite that long" with your hand, or just saying "Yes. This is it." with your seat if you have 'the' canter. Stopping the movement, the dance, is shutting off the conversation.

Since then I've really been trying to work on just remaining fluid, regardless of what happens. A wider fence? Don't lock in my hips and try to 'snap' up over the apex of the fence (an old habit of mine). Getting quick in the approach? Sit up and breathe and say "No" with my seat and hips. It's so hard for me. I am not really a 'natural' rider by any means. I'm a little too long in the leg and too short in the torso, my shoulders are too broad and my bust inhibits my arm position just a little. My leg doesn't really sit well on any horse-Eagle's a better fit than most, but it would take some warmblood tank or a draft cross to really 'eat' up my leg. The canter is, inarguably, the hardest gait for me to work at.

A myriad of issues come into play-my leg is too long and isn't particularly secure on his side, my saddle doesn't fit me spectacularly well and that, on top of all of the other issues, makes for some interesting moments. When we're having a good day, none of it really is an issue. However, when we're trying to work on something or Eagle is feeling his oats, I am not very stable.
Today was interesting in that I had my first experience in a really nice dressage saddle on my horse. I've ridden other horses in dressage saddles and it's always been fun, but my instructor has a semi-custom Amerigo dressage saddle with a very deep seat. I've got much longer legs than she does so I had virtually no stirrup to ride with, but it didn't really come into play overly much.

I have to say, we had it. The canter, moving off my leg at the canter, I was good, he was good-it was just there. I was quiet in the saddle and in my hand, and he, in return, was quiet.
Eagle has always been, effectively, a mood ring. What I do, he will reflect. It's good and bad-he's quite the tattle tale when I'm doing something wrong, but it makes moments like 'this' all the more special. We're getting there.

It's been a long, long time coming-but things are coming together and falling into place and, more than ever, I realize that I wouldn't trade this for the world.
I've made mistakes but I've also done the best I am able to correct them. With the help of staff that's really put in 110% to get him 'fat' (hunter people seem to like chubby ponies! I doubt Eagle will ever get there, but they're trying!), of my instructor who has put countless hours into training rides (once a week and more frequently when I'm sick or gone) and lessons for me (I ride once a week in a lesson and my mother rides Eagle twice a week in a lesson) we've built a community of individuals invested in this horse. I can't take all the credit for getting him where he's at.

But I know that, at least, he reflects the changes and growth in myself that sometimes I can't always see when I look in the mirror. He is, without a doubt, showcasing the very best of me-and we've both come a very, very long way.

Who'll be the lucky ones who make it all the way?

So, I have been horribly remiss about updating this. I suppose a part of it is simply being out of sorts at the entire 'horse thing' going on. I'll give a runup of what's been going on and how things went--and then a series of updates pertaining to 'now'! They may come in a series of posts, depending on how long things are!

I did eventually go to the Will Faudree clinic on father's day weekend. It was interesting-Eagle was far more interested in staring at everything and trying to "gogogo" to really settle down. I was a touch disappointed. He had been so fantastic up to that point that I really was hoping to make a point to everyone who had seen him and I and gone "That'll never work". It wasn't unmanageable of course, but I was nervous the first day and really locked up on him. As a result, we were in that fatal game of tug o' war. In retrospect I'm actually fairly glad that Eagle wasn't 'gold'.
If he went into it being so good, the advice I would have gotten would be great, the impression, too, would be nice-but what would I take away form it? Instead, I had a great learning experience.
It was all about sitting deep in the tack, even coming behind the motion (particularly at the canter) and letting go of his face. Instead, use my body to regulate it-which is a common concept but when I get nervous I lock up every which way.
The second day was much better. I was much more relaxed and far more interested in my horse than making an 'impression', which is nice. As a result of me being calmer, Eagle was fantastic! Or, mostly. We were working on canter/halt (particularly after fences). When he didn't stop soon enough, we backed him up.

This comes with a disclaimer. My horse has never really been taught to back up beyond a few steps here and there to straighten at the halt. It's just nothing he ever learned-and he's not particularly comfortable, nor proficient at it. He was doing very well for the first hour or so (we rode for about an hour and twenty minutes both days). However, after one particularly 'interesting' fence-he left long, I asked him to halt-we stopped-and then the instant he felt the contact asking him to back, he went up instead.

Eagle has reared with me-perhaps twice-in the past, and I've always handled it well. While he won't (cannot?) buck under saddle, rearing has always been the "Hey you, I'm at my limit"-mentally, physically or otherwise. However, this time he went up and spun. I really had no chance to begin with. I've seen the video (And oh yes, all of this is on tape) and it was just ugly. By the time I realized what was going on, I had to bail. It was getting into the sketchy territory of possible falling over backwards onto me.

I rolled off, didn't land too badly. Got back up and brushed myself off (scraped cheek and elbow, bruise on hip) and went to get the horse. (He was walking away from Will and the jump setters). I got up, he wandered back over to me. Will got on him (he rode him briefly on day 1, too, to see what 'we were dealing with') and Eagle was put into pony detention.

Was made to canter over fences, do circles, ect-and do them all at the pace the rider wanted. Anyway, I pretty much got back on after and then did a few lines. Nothing too dramatic, I wasn't really shaken. Falling is a part of it, you know? Regardless of how, it'll happen from time to time and if you're going to get hung up on it then you really shouldn't be doing it. The manner of how I fell was perhaps the ugliest I've ever had-rearing isn't something to screw around with, I freely admit-but at the end of the day, Eagle is mine and for better and for worse, we're in the long haul.

After we popped over cute little things, we got to play at being actual eventers! Enough of the flatwork and the grid work, we were actually using the little water fence the arena had built in on the edge. All four of us (four per class) were told to just walk in and around the water. No biggie, Eagle's seen it before-he'll look but if you give enough leg, he'll go in.

We walked right in, and then hopped out on the bank when it got too crowded. We were told to just come around and trot at it and trot out. Um, apparently my horse has been given a personality transplant. He locked onto it and in the last stride out, took off at it. That was quite the experience. Anyway, cleared the lot with flying colors. Eagle and water and banks, are no problem what so ever.

So, all in all-the clinic was interesting. I was in a group of riders who either were on made horses or were reriders on very forgiving horses of their own and I felt a bit out of place on my hot, hot, hot TB. But I wouldn't have changed it for the world. I learned loads, and really-what I needed to know, I did.
I don't need the affirmation that my horse is a nice horse, I don't need to recognize the people saying I'm overhorsed. There aren't many people who could have come this far with the horse I have, and still be standing at the end. So who knows who the real winners are.
I'd like to think that, in part, I'm one-because Eagle and I have grown so much, both as individuals and as partners.

Tomorrow I will change & Today won't mean a thing

Perhaps it is my perpetual tendency towards pessimism that makes me believe that this streak of 'good' cannot hope to last. It has been nearly four weeks (as of this friday) that my horse has been phenomenal. We have had 'moments' where the old Eagle shows up but then he settles down into this sensible horse that I, quite frankly, don't know what to do with.

Everything I knew about my horse, have always taken as a certainty, is changing. Before, I could be confident in the knowledge that Eagle would jump a fence and jump it long. He'd leave long and jump too deep over the fence, landing long on the other side. I knew that I would have to sit up, sit down and collect. Touching him with your leg? Hell no. You'd never have to extend, you'd never have to use anything more than your hand (and keep him straight) and you'd have a fight to the fence and on the backside of a fence. He'd rush, get heavy and get unbalanced.

As life is wont to do, though, those certainties have been destroyed. He comes back after fences-he'll go to the base of a fence. I need to use my leg in lines so he doesn't have to chip in to make a good distance-and he would rather chip in than leave long. Seriously? This is screwing with my head, here.
And for an instant today, I thought I had my 'old' horse back.

Bounces, traditionally, have been difficult for us. Anything that could be a bounce could also become an oxer. However, once you get past that, they've always been a good exercise to get him to use himself. Today was the first time we've had one since we've returned. We started out warming up over a little vertical. (For the past two weeks, x's have not been spotted! Thank goodness!) He trotted to the base of the fence, even when I got ahead of him expecting him to leave long. Like, you know, he almost always does (/would.) However, we figured it out for me to stay with him (hard enough when you realize that I am constantly expecting to get pushed out of the saddle by him bumping up into the canter then launching long) and got that resolved.

Then we started playing with a bounce. Sigh. I'm very much not a fan of them. However, my horse returned to the one that I knew well! (I rode him well through it! Talk about regression.) He locked onto that set and bolted into a fast trot and then canter and tried to bull his way through them. Diane promptly made us halt (from rushyfastunbalancedcanter) and do a turn on the forehand off the right leg. Come back on it from the same line.

And--wait, what?
You're telling me that you think he did it again?
Well, that's what I thought, at any rate. I thought he had (finally!) reverted back to the horse I knew. Not neccessarily the horse I 'love" (I really do enjoy these changes, I swear. I'm just having such a hard time adjusting my riding after a year and a half of doing things a certain way!) but the one I'm familiar with.

However, Eagle continued on this most recent trend of "Let's confuse Mom!" He slowed down. Head came down, trot had impulsion but wasn't too quick. Let me keep him in hand. And, we went to the base of the fence without a canter step. The hell is going on, here? Exercise: repeat.
Horse: Continues to be doing this.

Then we graduated to a bounce to a trot in-canter out four line. We went in really well(I'm finally getting "the trot"-where we have impulsion but aren't too fast, but it isn't a slow crawl without any momentum) and..landed fantastically. And was so mellow that I had to (or should have) put leg on through it. Trotted around, came through it again...thought he'd get bolder and more aggressive at the fence... Nope. No dice.
I still needed more leg.

What the hell? I don't ride with my leg. Ever.
I'm really good at bending with it, but...asking them to go forward? This confuses me.

Regardless, we ended up cantering into the line. We tried cantering fences (on a circle) about two months ago. He was fantastic. We tried it about a month and a half ago, after a series of flat lessons. It was a wreck.
Today?
Well. Go figure. He was fantstic. After I figured out how to get him closer to the base of the fence and kept him straight, we had a really nice series of fences. Our issue though is that I don't leg him forward so we still leave long for the out fence. (Even had what should have been a canter-in, three become a collected four. I didn't ask for collected.)

And we even did a course! Trot into the bounce (coming off the left), canter into the line, trot after the line, ride through the corner that's directly after the line and then at the other corner, go into an angle-it was a small oxer, big whoop-towards the open side of the polo arena, and then come around to a roll top.
Yeah, go figure. Horse? didn't go crazy. Rolltop? He used himself.
Elle:
is so confused. I Feel as if I don't know how to ride anymore, even though my riding is allowing him to be good, I feel like trash.
Oh well. We'll work through it. Just a bit discouraged, even though we're making huge strides.

Life. It continues. We get better. Always will. The day I stop improving, stop learning, is the day I die.

&&You're the Star of this Scene

It's been a while-nearly three weeks-since I've updated and, for all intents and purposes, Eagle is still the same phenomenal horse that I wrote about last. I don't understand it and I'm waiting for his brain transplant to wear of shortly.
However while it lasts, I will definitely be enjoying it!

I'm not really quite certain where to start, to be strictly honest. We've had a phenomenal lesson last week and I think the really notable thing is that I've been riding him bareback.

Last Wednesday I had a fantastic lesson. We started out with just tracking forward, regardless of where his head was. I have a bad habit of getting 'handsy'. I was taught a very long time ago to pretend to whisk eggs *once in a while* to play with the bit and encourage them to soften on it. However, I've come into the habit of doing it far too frequently.
So instead of working for the frame, we've been working for the trot and the consistent contact. Fancy that, when I have constant contact and don't throw away the reins and just follow his face instead of pull on it (or abandon it) he comes down. It takes longer and it isn't "instant gratification" but it feels truer. He's much looser through his back when he comes down that way.

Eventually, we started jumping. As per the week before, he's trotting nicely over things. There was even an instance where he didn't even jump the fence-he trotted over it. This, coming from the horse that will jump ground poles and cavaletti if you give him the opportunity, is huge. That and I'm starting to not know when to leave for fences. Previously it was obvious that he'd push me out of the saddle. Now, though, I actually have to work to get up and off his back!
Let me tell you, my legs are definitely feeling it.

Probably one of the biggest things of last week though was that he was adjustable through lines. After warming up over verticals we were going through a four stride line-and we had to chip to get a good space! He's not landing and leaving long, he's coming back. I'm almost collecting him too much. There are points where I almost have to push him forward to lengthen instead of collectcollectcollect. It's absolutely astounding.

We've finally graduated from 2'0 verticals and X's! And the occasional line/gymnastic/angle. We actually did a course. It was phenomenal. We never ran off at or away from fences. He was in my hand the entire time and I actually could let him have his head instead of constantly battling him for a rhythm. Whether it's the weather, or something has finally clicked, Eagle was fantastic. I'm hoping that tomorrow he'll be just as good.

The day after I saw my Mom ride him in her lesson-and perhaps it is slightly cruel of me, but I was perversely pleased that she was having some difficulty riding him. I suppose that, at the end of the day, Eagle is still "My horse". Per Diane, when I came he started ignoring her more (I could tell that every time he was passing me he wanted to stop) but she isn't doing too poorly. He does have a bit of a fixation with the wall and she's not always able to catch him before he dives into it, but he's not too adverse to her riding.
Actually, for a woman whose only been riding for the past three months (for the first time in 30-odd years) my Mom is really not doing badly at all. This upcoming thursday she canters him for the first time. I may be tempted to put in a bit more of a bit so she has the brakes, but I'll talk to my instructor for that. He isn't keen on stopping, even with me-though my Mom really doesn't get rattled when he doesn't stop so I suppose the slow-twist D ought to be fine.

Regardless, last thursday she rode and I hopped on and cantered him a bit to stretch his legs.

Friday, Diane rode him and he was phenomenal. One of these days I'm going to get some video of it. My riding him is laughable at best in comparison to her. (Though I have noticed she has the same problem my mother does-he gives her trouble when I'm around and watching. I suppose this means I should try to sneak past my horse from now on...)

Saturday was interesting. I wasn't going to ride him originally but he had been turned out in the grass earlier (had just come off it-it was too buggy) so I didn't really want to pitch him out there again. At the same time, I'm a lazy sort and tacking him up didn't sound appealing, either.
Solution: Bareback.

I've been riding him bareback from time to time, but almost always after I've exercised him before. Think of it as a 'final five minutes of trot and then cool down' if you would. However, Saturday I got on him without such preliminaries. I was expecting a bit of a bouncy ride-Eagle gets very forward when you first start out.

Though, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that he surprised me. The beginning was a bit rough-he wanted to keep his head up which made his spine markedly uncomfortable, but once we 'discussed' his options, he really was traveling very nicely. My problem with bareback is that because I do feel so insecure in my balance, I typically crank his nose into his chest to feel like I'm in 'control'. (Hah!)

Saturday though I was really focusing on keeping my arms long and infront of me with shorter reins. Unsurprisingly, the horse appreciated it. (he's no one's fool, afterall.) After about twenty five minutes (my legs were shaking!) of trot work I really came to the conclusion that I had no excuse not to canter. I do not ride bareback frequently-I never have. In all my years of riding (about thirteen) I have had maybe ten serious rides bareback that had w/t/c-and all of those beyond Eagle, were on a little mare who I had gotten so used to me that she'd stop on command.

Cantering Eagle with a saddle can be precarious at best. At worst, it's a freight-train disaster of monumental proportions. It's all about the balance and keeping him steady. His right lead is, currently, less comfortable than is left so I started out in that direction. Picked him up on a circle and got a beautiful upward transition. Only did a few circles before we stopped (It was MUCH bouncier than I wish it had been) but he didn't protest by raising his head which is huge.

He normally goes in a standing martingale just to remind him that head =up is not okay. Riding him without it, he actually didn't bring his head up too frequently.

The left was beautiful! We had a gorgeous collected canter that just kept me in the seat (though initially I was reminded as to exactly how big his step is! When you go up and come down four inches behind where you started, you begin to realize that..yes, this is a big horse. And yes, he goes forward very well!). It was, all in all, a very successful day.

So those are my triumphs. Hopefully my lesson tomorrow will continue in the same vein!

Chasing the Stars

Sometimes, it feels like everything in life is conspiring against you. Nothing works out, everything's falling to pieces before your eyes and you can't do a damn thing about it. (Though maybe that kevlar reinforced duct tape they're coming out with could help you put it back together again..) You can't stop it from happening even as your dreams crumble before your eyes in slow motion.
This entire year has been one of those for me. I went to a college that didn't work out. I ruined my riding to fit into a clique. I damn-near ruined my horse to make him into something that he could never be. I tried to suck it up, and it didn't work. I tried to go back, but I got so hellishly sick that I had to come home.
I am a college drop out.
Last weekend was one of those weekends that just keeps on building the debacle of my life. My first event was supposed to be on Saturday. Beginner novice, all signed up and paid for. Working on getting my horse ready, we were show-ready, groomed and nearly set for perfection. Mane and clipping of whiskers/ears/legs was all I had left. Unfortunately? Life, as it is wont to do, intervened. I got the flu. Wretchedly sick, really. Fever that wouldn't stay down, I was throwing up, couldn't keep anything down. I was dizzy and had a headache. It was unfortunate.
So I didn't get to go to the show.

On the other hand, looking back from even a week later, I realize that maybe it was for the best. Diane, my instructor, rode him on friday. Apparently he was phenomenal. She was nice enough to school him for me on saturday, too. Monday, I rode him before my mother's lesson. (First time riding since thursday).

We went outside in the sand and didn't have a horrible ride. It wasn't phenomenal-there were horses galloping around in the pastures alongside it, he didn't want to stand still, he was fussy about contact-and there was a horse that got loose and I got off and on again which interrupted the flow of that ride.. but I really made strides in realizing when I had a problem. When Eagle canters for an extended period of time, his head goes down and his nose comes in.
Voila. Problem.
When he gets fussy and isn't allowed to go forward, he'll try to move sideways. When you don't let him do that and don't give him somewhere to go, instead of standing (as per expected) he might go up.
Voila.
When your contact is inconsistent, his head is inconsistent.
Dingdingding.

So even though our ride wasn't, by any means, fantastic.. it was productive. And apparently later on, he was phenomenal for my mother's lesson.

Stupid horse was good for the wrong person! Nah, not really. I bounce better than my Mom does, I think-and I'm a stronger rider. Sometimes I think he acts up more for me than her because I force issues that she lets him get away with.
Kind of like a toddler. Go figure.


Sometimes, on moments like those, I wonder if this isn't all in vain. Why do I bother? I'm not ever going to 'get there'. I won't ever be as good as I want, as strong as I thought-but in the end, I was just too stupid. I couldn't keep from falling in love, with horses, with the atmosphere. With the serenity it gives me.
'Dressage' is literally translated into 'training'. It is a constant evolution of horse and rider. There is no 'end point' for anyone. There is always more to learn, a higher level to reach. Something new to do. It doesn't matter where I am, or where I may or may not get to. It isn't, I realized, where I end up that matters. It's what I learn along the way. And that is why I love it so dearly.

We are, forever, those poor fools chasing the stars. We constantly grasp for that which is out of reach, praying for some bit of their majesty to be bestowed upon us. And even when we never touch them, we are not disappointed because in the end, it is the dreaming that is enough.

And sometimes, though they are few and far between, we are lucky enough to be graced with a moment to realize that, as far fetched as the very act of dreaming is (Honestly, whoever told children to "Dream anything and it can become real!" ought to be shot.) sometimes, they can come true.
And that makes it all worth the while.

On thursday, I had an absolutely phenomenal lesson. It was hard, I won't lie-the temperature was about 87*, which is obscene. It isn't even summer yet! However, we started out just warming up, just trotting around, working on rhythm. I was trying to get his head in 'a place' (bad me!!) and it was not working particularly well. Go figure.

Diane came in (she had a lesson just prior) and told me to halt. I went to pick up the slack in my reins (working on 'long and low' relaxes Eagle) and she stopped me. "Without," I was told, "your reins".
Well, damn. No contact and halting? Bah, humbug! The first ten minutes was filled with downward transitions from trot to walk, walk to halt, without rein contact. Using as little contact, rather I should say, as possible. We're still not to the point where he stops with just my seat but by the end he had figured it out a little bit.

Absolutely shocking, to be honest. And so we trotted a bit again, circles and whatall to work on rhythm.
One of Diane's favorite exercises are shallow loop serpentines. We started going to the left (counterclockwise) as it is his favorite direction. Go figure. After two repetitions of a normal shallow loop, we threw in a few 'loops'! At the beginning in the first corner, we made a 10m. circle to the left, before starting our loops and then at the top of the 'middle' loop, we made a 10m. circle right, and then went back to finish the last half of the shallow loop with a final 10m. circle to the left. It's a lot of bending, balancing, working on rhythm and where my body was in relation to his.

It really worked for him. We did it in both directions (that was our trot work for the day). Instead of trying to use my hands to 'force him' into a frame, like I sometimes can get (egg beater hands!) the idea is to use consistent contact to get him to come down and relax into a better place with his head and neck. It really worked, too. It might not have been as obvious as when I 'pull' him into it-but it felt better.
Softer.

And so from shallow loops (right at this point) we did a right lead canter. And it was balanced! And then went down the long diagonal at a point and did a downward transition. It's hard to get him to trot, but he did it! I was about ready to give it up. And then he picked right up into a beautiful left lead canter.
It's a bit surprising that he has, all of the sudden, abandoned his little rushy issue in the span of two or so weeks, at the canter. Maybe it's just that he's finally realizing he has the muscle and can use it, but it's a beautiful sensation.

We were cantering poles, which happens to be my nemesis. Seriously. I do not like poles, Eagle does not like poles. They are just-overall-not a good thing to work with. Diane had two poles set, and we were cantering over them. Without a fuss. He did knock the front pole (in both directions) a few times which I credit to him being lazy/not picking up his feet. However, unlike normal when something "Doesn't go quite right" he didn't get huffy and rushy. He trusted me to rebalance him and pick him up and settle right back down.
It was, quite frankly, a breakthrough of the greatest proportions.

And jumping.
Herein lay the huge thing.

We have been trotting Eagle to fences for a very long time. It's something he just 'doesn't do'. Not well, not at all. He'll chuck in canter strides at the last moment (and you had no idea he could fit one in) and rush. Or he'll stick his nose up in the air, damn you to hell and do it his own merry way! For this reason, he has a tendancy to jump inverted. Rather deer like, actually.
Part of the problem is it's just how he wants to do it. Part of the problem is me-I hold his face to keep him 'slow' (and we end up losing impulsion so he gets to launch himself over anyway) and then I don't release over the fence.

Thursday though, something happened-and I don't quite know what, but there was a click.

We were trotting to the base of the fence. Even though it's just a small X (and later, a small vertical) he was using himself. He was coming down over the fence and rounding with his back and lifting himself up, and really using himself. It is quite the astounding thing. Eagle has never had to use himself over fences-even over 3'6, he can muscle over them without any effort.

To have him trotting to the base of a fence, lift himself up over it, and land-balanced-and let me bring him back after? Consistently? Is astounding. It's a huge thing, and he never once rushed a fence. He never once got out of control behind. I don't know what it is, but there's something in my horse that has just 'clicked' (he's been like this for the past week and a half). I don't know why, but I'm not going to argue.

And to all of those who say that dreaming isn't worth it.....

I'll keep chasing the stars. Because for all it's worth, all the agony you gain from broken hearts and shattered dreams, the moments where they touch you with their grace, if only for a moment, makes it all worth while.
I will keep my dreams.

I want to live it up, Just because

Well, I've been remiss in updating this blog, unfortunately. However, there is much to say about almost everything!

Since my last update in april we have: Gone on a trail ride, galloped out of an arena and off a track, done XC schooling, managed to canter poles without wigging out, trot peaceably to the base of fences and actually using himself over fences.

We'll start with some of the stories. About a week after my last update (4/8) there was a weekend where one of my barn friends (younger, just got her first horse in december) had really been wanting to go on a trail ride with me. Everyone in the barn knows, she is dying to get out on trial. With anyone, at any time-doesn't matter if you just walk, or walk trot, or go faster. She just wants to get out.
Unfortunately, like most large barns, mine has it's cliques. We have the hunter girls who are, unfortunately, very much like the stereotype. Self-entitled little snots who think they're the best at everything because they can perch on a deadbroke horse with pinched knees and heels up in the horse's flank.
We also have the group of eventers who are, for the most part, very nice people. These are also mostly the 'working students' in the barn.
Then there's the dressage people, the older re-riders and the like. Unfortunately, this girl-we'll call her L-was being excluded. Everyone else in the barn was making it very obvious that they were doing a trail ride, and she wasn't invited. I pulled up to the barn that saturday and she ran to my car in tears, telling me all about it. I wasn't really gunning for a trail ride (I had been putting it off) because Eagle had been so inconsistent. I told her that if I went with her (just the two of us) we might end up just walking.

She said that was A-OK and off we went? I put his brushing boots on and a standing martingale (at that point, was a part of his tack) and I led the way out. It was slightly muddier than we thought it'd be (rained 4 days earlier) but we kept going. There were two little ditches that Eagle jumped over (Silly thing doesn't walk through water. We jump.) and essentially walked for about 10 minutes. He was a bit fast to start out with, very nervous.
it's the first time I've ever taken him on trails, and the first time he was out of an arena since last september. Surprisingly, there was no stupidness. There was a hole (8 inches by two feet, four or so inches deep) had been dug up to make a mound of dirt that he 'looked' at. But that was about it! No problems with bunnies, ect. After about ten minutes we broke through the trees (forest preserve) and came to the 'gallop field'. It's essentially the space of two foot ball fields with four to five inch long grass. The footing was phenomenal!
There's a slight incline up one side and a decline down the other, but there aren't any huge holes. I walked Eagle while L& her horse trotted and cantered. I even started trotting him a bit, and he was super good. I was rather surprised he wasn't more forward. However, when L cantered by Eagle, he decided to canter!

He wasn't really willing to come back down (I brought him to a trot a few strides after but he kept trying to break up) so I decided that I'd let him go on my terms. Mostly that was just because he had been so good in the few steps of canter that I had gotten. I was astounded at how good he really was. Needless to say, we ended up galloping up the hill and he willingly came back down to a canter, down the hill-and a balanced one at that.

Trail ride: Success.

The weekend after that was our XC schooling. I was going over beginner novice & novice fences (going BN this year). It was..interesting. He was better than last year in that he wasn't getting so behind the vertical. I ditched the dutch gag bit last fall for a slowtwist D ring snaffle which really seems to help. However, he was getting sticky off my legs-he didn't want to turn away from fences and kept trying to rush them.
It was, in some ways, a success. We went through everything without a refusal and came back behind the fences fairly well. On the other hand, I really figured that I needed to work on releasing, and getting him to move off my legs better-not just go forward.

Took some good lessons away from that.

After that I've actually been going on him with spurs (little prince of whales nubs). It works well because my leg (calf/ankle) doesn't really want to touch him when I ride comfortably because my legs are so long that they hang past his barrel anyway. It's really been improving our halts because he always seems to try to move out (his butt) through my left leg. Leg yields and circles are also going better.

People think I'm demented for riding my already 'forward' horse with spurs-but that's the thing, isn't it? Spurs aren't just aids to go forward. They are aids to key a horse in to the cues of your leg.
My leg doesn't tell him to go forward all that often. My leg tells him to stay straight, or bend, or move your shoulder in, or haunches in.

In that same vein, I got-for the first time-a 'soft' trot. On a twenty meter circle, my instructor marked out the 'compass points' from the center. (North, South, East & West) Instead of a circle, make it into a diamond-straight between the points but bending just before and just after the points. Make the changes of bend gradual enough to encourage softness. Through this, Eagle never really had the opportunity to shove his shoulders (or haunches) out and about to avoid using himself.

There is a horse at my barn-a big, black draftX who looks like a tank. When she's riding around you though, you don't hear her coming. She's absolutely silent when she moves because she's so soft over the ground. That's the feeling I got with Eagle for the first time that day. He wasn't 'stabbing' the ground with his hooves, but floating them down and over. It was a beautiful sensation.
In that moment, I could truly use my seat to lengthen and extend my trot-higher in the post and he lengthened his step like a dream. The true "Ahhah!" moment came when he shortened it when I slowed my post.

Had enough of Eagle the dream-pony? (If you're still reading, I'm assuming that means no. Which is a good thing, because this is a classic 'But wait, there's more!' moment.)

I've been riding him bareback. It really should be a "So, what" moment for most people reading this. Bareback is no real step, no huge achievement for almost any person on almost any horse, who know how to ride. I do know how to ride, I have ridden bareback successfully. I enjoy it. (or did?) However, Eagle is, in a word, reactive. Leg touches him? We go forward. Foot swings? We go forward. Air brushes from leg moving? We go forward.

So taking away the barrier of the saddle is almost death to me. Or at least, could be. However, I've been riding him bareback to cool him off. So far, we've just done walk/trot work and then a cool-down. He really softens his back and listens. It's a bit unbalancing when he tries to lurch forward into a trot, but if I just use my voice we're getting better upwards transitions.
Unfortunately, I'm having trouble relaxing my arms and following his face which lends him to coming a bit behind the vertical. It's not as bad as it was the first time-at least there's improvement-but it's still frustrating, to say in the least! Something that we've finally been getting over is 'coming back' when I change the equation. I don't suppose I should be horribly surprised (my riding reverts to being very tight and defensive) but it is a bit of a let down.

At least we're getting somewhere, though!

Eagle's other 'job' is as a lesson horse. Not in lessons, but he's teaching my mother how to 're-ride'. She's been taking lessons twice a week for the about three months previous to may. In the last month she's been riding Eagle for me after I ride, to cool him off-and she has a lesson on him once a week. She's only recently gotten to "All clear" to ride him on her own!
I'm very excited-my mother used to show on the Hunter A's (catch rides) about 35 years ago. Well, more than that-she stopped riding about 35 years back. As a fifty year old, she's finally getting back into riding and I couldn't be more thrilled that she's back in the saddle again. It might mean fighting for posession of my saddle (!!) and time for my horse but..if I can give her back something that she lost a long time ago, then I'm more than willing to sacrifice it.

Eagle is growing in leaps and bounds. We can canter, balancedly. We can jump cleanly without scrabbling for balance. We're getting down rhythm at the trot, and sensitivity to cues from hands. There's no more head flipping. He isn't coming behind the vertical nearly as much any more (though he still does get 'low' and does have trouble poking his nose 'out').
All in all, my horse is growing up.
And it is, in my opinion, about damn time!